Taste the sad Michael

JHoUncategorized2 Comments

If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems and the biggest one is that Irvine is leaving on Monday and we haven’t found a new hate target for the I Hate CI club. In all seriousness though does anyone know someone who does pistols with the same arrogance and who even though he can move 30% less weight than I can still seems to make peoples pants fall right off. Fellas included. The club needs a new focal point for our rage. Actually one of my therapists, and my wife, say that I only say things like this because I am secretly in love with CI and I am hiding from my feelings. Well if wanting to drop a kettlebell on someone’s junk means you are in love with him then they are absolutely correct. I love CI like a brother. And when I say brother, I don’t mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful, I think. It is time to face the music though. He is moving on to the next phase of his life. It is incredible in some ways because from the first time he came into the gym he told me what the plan was so this day was always coming but now that it is here I am having a tough time processing everything that this change signifies. I wrote the outline for a grand post chronicling his entire time at XCF and as my friend and I started to write and there was just too much to cover. I want to share everything that I know that he has meant to the members of this fitness community and to me personally but I can’t do it in one go. I decided to release the “Chris Irvine Tell All” blog posts in a series. Today you get to find out how it all started. Many of you know many parts of CI’s journey at XCF but I doubt any of you know all of it. I don’t even know all of it. He has engaged so many of you on a personal level that I am sure most of the folks at the gym could write an epic poem about how CI has impacted your life. While I was going back and forth with different sections of this I kept taking breaks to do other tasks and one of them was pick out a bunch of photos from the last few years. While doing that I sifted through a lot of photos that I haven’t seen in a while. I think we should take a quick break to admire this gem. Justin Bieber at XCF?

While we are consoling ourselves through the pain of CI’s departure and Jodi’s expense here are a few more nuggets that I love?

Jodi’s brother?

Jodi’s mom?

I am going to start the story the best way I know how. The other day I was working at a CrossFit Level 1 cert at Rainier CrossFit back when it was in Puyallup. In case you haven’t been to a level 1 cert I will explain the flow a little bit. 60 wannabe trainers show up for 2 8 hours days of lecture and movement coaching. After every few hours of lecture all of the attendees move outdoors to practice what they just learned under the watchful eye of highly skilled, incredibly attractive, sometimes African-American coaches. I happened to be one of the instructors at this event and as luck would have it a younger and better looking CI happened to be in my group. The first movement rotation was squats. I started leading the group when I noticed from the corner of my eye that one of the students seem to possess a very rare ability. I called him to the center of the group to serve as my demo since his mechanics were incredible. This guy’s squat was so amazing I was actually aroused. I was confused because he was a dude and I was in a very happy very heterosexual relationship at the time. I wasn’t sure what his orientation was but his squat was affecting me in ways I didn’t think were possible. I actually said to the group “his squat was so beautiful that I wanted to make love to his squat and have beautiful perfect squat babies.” I was actually reprimanded for this and a few other statements that I made by the event flow master Todd Widman who is a different breed of bad ass altogether. After the event this sensual squatter came up to me and asked me for a job. He said, “Yo, so I just got my level 1 cert.” I said, “I know, I was there, so did 59 other people.” He said, “Well I heard that you might be looking for a trainer and I was wondering if you wanted to give me a job. I want to be a trainer, and I just so happen to have in my pocket a certificate that shows I am level 1 certified.” I said “No.”   He said “well what if I…” I asked him what his training background was and when the listed started with his parents I told him to stop. I said he could come start working out at our gym for free on occasion sort of as an intern thing and I would think about it. He jumped at the offer and started coming in the next day. He listened well. He did everything I said no matter how ridiculous it was.  Once I had him teach a stranger on the street how to squat in 5 minutes. I decided to take him in. 7th best decision I ever made. I hired this guy for three days a week and he just started showing up everyday. That was three years ago. Some of you are wondering how I could be unsure of CI’s sexual orientation but if you were a member of the gym back when CI used to shave and shower and brush his hair than you know exactly what I am talking about. It was effing confusing. God certainly was on my side when he let the trainer with the crudest sense of humor end up in front of the coolest attendee at the entire cert. I am grateful everyday that I know Chris Irvine.

More tomorrow. Check out the photos from regionals as well as a CI special edition photo album on our Flickr page.

Bonus info: Jodi turned 16 today and Jan turned 100.

2 Comments on “Taste the sad Michael”

  1. That doesn’t look anything like me…my flip goes to the other side. Lookin’ good honey…keep up the good work. Too bad that guy, CI kicked your ass in wrestling…where did I go wrong?
    Jodi’s Mom….

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