I am sitting in the gym looking at 6different athletes in different parts of the gym quietly “responding” to today’s training. 90 seconds of awesome cycle followed by 90 seconds of rowing. 5 sets with a generous 8.5 minutes of rest between sets. Some are pacing, some are sitting, one is lying down, several are staring blankly into space. It is interesting to see how different people make use of those in between spaces. The space between the violence so to speak. There are lots of ways to handle it. There is a negotiation happening. Lots of questions being asked. Did I go hard enough? Did I go too hard? Can I do that again? Can I do it 4 more times? Should I?
What do you do in those spaces?
I found that I spent my time getting ready for the next set. Steeling myself for what was ahead. I saw folks around me though who seemed to be only dealing with the previous set. (Blaze) I was chasing another athlete in the gym. I couldn’t keep up. Another set of questions started to work their way in. Was it me? Was I not going fast enough? I should be winning, what is wrong? I had to let it go. I am not here to win. I am here for better. My better. The work was set. All I had to do was do it. I chose this. It is what I signed up for so who cares what it is. The result doesn’t even matter other than a metric to drive the next round. This is hard but it doesn’t suck. There is actually nothing I would rather be doing. I was tired when I got here and as I was getting out of bed I thought about how nice it would be to get a little more sleep. Sleep would have been much more comfortable but it wasn’t preferable. This is exactly where I want to be and what I want to be doing right now. What happens in here can be extremely painful at times but I can’t call it suffering. Suffering connotes an aversion or fear associated with pain or even harm and it is perception. So it really comes down to my attitude about what I am enduring I am getting better. Constantly. Can I call that suffering?
It will all be worth come Beast Fest