I heard a stat the other day. It is probably true. It was on the radio. The average american consumes 4500 calories on Thanksgiving day. I didn’t bother to fact check it. This is America, it is a stat about Americans, regarding our 3rd favorite past time on our second favorite holiday. It makes sense if you don’t think about it. In fact, if you aren’t eating 4500 calories than you aren’t doing your part for America. It means someone else has to eat even more. Consider all of the babies out there who aren’t doing crap on Thanksgiving day. I think the C monkey ate about 800 calories yesterday. I am guessing she might crack 1000 on the big day because that girls loves eating things that had a face and there will be plenty of it. In fact I was pretty sure she had scurvy not too long ago. Since my child will not be pulling her own weight I will be forced to consume at least 8000 calories just to balance the equation. I have devised a measuring system that covers 6 levels of fullness with 6 being the highest and actually death so you don’t want to eat to that level of fullness all that often. I think anyone who doesn’t go to at least level 4, which is respiratory distress by the way, on Thursday just might be a terrorist. You shouldn’t be able to sit comfortably erect in a standard dining room chair. At my grandmothers house every seat at the dining room table reclines. I have digressed so magnificently I am actually impressed with myself. This post was actually meant to be a schedule update so here it goes.
Thursday: ONE CLASS at 10 am. It will be awful. Just priming the body for excessive refueling.
Friday: NOTHING. Sleep off your meal.
Saturday: NOTHING. Good Shabbos.
Sunday: NOTHING. As per usual. Go to mass or something.
Next week we are back at it.
If this doesn’t make you want to stuff your face with turkey then I don’t know what will.